Monday, November 8, 2010

Lost and the same time.

I guess God had to put me flat on my face for me to finally give in to Him and stop making my own plans for my life. I am a first semester junior in college, and I am completely changing the path of my future starting next semester. As of right now, I have decided that the only way to fulfill God's purpose for my life is to give in to Him and actually listen for what I am supposed to be doing. I have spent all of this time trying to figure it out. I was focusing on a career path that would bring me success without any doubt or question. My ultimate goal was for my future family to have a better and more financially comfortable life than I have had growing up. Somehow, even though I have always been an A student, I was not performing very well in pursuit of becoming an optometrist. Becoming overwhelmingly stressed and frustrated, I was constantly pushing questions out of my mind of why I even wanted to be an optometrist, or if I would be happy doing this for the rest of my life. If someone were to ask me either of these questions, I wouldn't be able to answer them with confidence. I spent almost two and a half years of college in that state.
Recently, I started asking myself those questions that I had always avoided. For the entirety of the fall semester so far, I have been discouraged, overwhelmed, and with a broken heart. I have been struggling for motivation to study and complete assignments. All along I should have been asking myself why I was miserable and taking steps to change that, but instead, I let my driven nature take over and refused to give up. I finally reached a certain point...I gave up. I decided I wanted to get as far away from biology and chemistry as possible. There were suddenly less voices inside me telling me to try harder. I was done. That day came about a week ago.
So what now? I am seeking God's loudest voice to help me decide where I want my life to go from here. I believe God is speaking to me through the things that I am most passionate, creativity, making a positive difference. I believe God has placed people and resources in my life that I should be taking advantage of. I am not 100% sure where my life is going anymore, but instead of forcing myself into the pursuit of a career that will guaruntee financial stability and the title of Doctor Misty Jordan, I am choosing to follow God to find where my passions and talents meet the world's needs. This is my calling. Yes, this is stressful, chaotic, and has brought me to tears on more than one occasion...but there is a peace inside of me from knowing that God is leading my way.

 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. - Galatians 2:20


1 comment:

  1. I randomly stumbled across your blog through my blogger account, and as you see I am following you on here.

    Believe it or not you are in an amazing place. You are pliable, and God can use you. Staying in a state of surrender is very hard, and it takes diligence! I would encourage you to be quiet. Listen. Read his Word (start in John). Pray...but instead of asking Him for things or bombarding him with questions, praise and thank him. Draw near to him and he PROMISES to draw near to you! Thats in James I believe.

    "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him; bless him." Psalm 100:4 (ESV)

    “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

    Press on! :)